Qik - Macey notices boys by Tara Smith

Qik - The kids play "domestic abuse call" by Tara Smith

In retrospect, perhaps we shouldn't let the kids watch episodes of "Cops."

Bad Language

Macey, who is now three, has developed a new three-year old vocabulary, which includes the very naughty word "stupid."

A few minutes ago, I overheard her in the bathtub loudly insisting, "Kids are stupid!"

"Oh no! That's not very nice," I told her. "Why would you say that?"

"Because Adam is stupid."

"Oh, Macey, I want you to say sorry."

"Sorry." (Pause.) "But he says stupid words."

Macey, the Humanitarian

Miles hasn't been feeling well the past couple of days: he's been pretty lethargic and complaining of fever, aches, sore throat, etc. I always feel sorry for him when he gets truly sick, but even if I didn't, he wouldn't let me forget for long that he's under the weather.

At one point we were in the van and he whined, "Mommy, I don't feel good." I expressed appropriate sympathy, and we road in silence for a few more minutes until Macey observed, "I want to kick him and see if he has a headache."

On a related note, Brett and I were happy to see her express actual sympathy last week. Bear Grylls from Man Vs. Wild bit the head off a squirming river trout, and Macey gapsed, "Oh, that poor fish!" How much does it say about her... erm... willful personality that both her mommy and daddy looked at one another in relief that she had shown her first real sense of concern? Oh, Macey, you little stinker. I love ya, girl!

Macey's Beautiful Picture

Here's how the conversation went:

Mom: "Can I see the picture you were painting?"

Macey: "Yeah, I'll show you."

Mom: "Oh, wow... what happened?"

Macey: "It broke."

God and Santa

Brett, Miles, and I were walking through the woods, discussing the relative competency of "girls." I pointed out that girls can be very smart.

"Yeah, but you're not smarter than Daddy," Miles retorted.

"Oh really? How do you know?"

"Because nobody's smarter than Daddy except God and Santa."

Mother-of-the-Year or Future Therapy Talking Point?

I'm not a bad mom, I swear. It's just that... well, kids are so dumb. And my kitchen floor was really dirty. I can explain...

So the kids and I often play this game where they're at "school" and I'm the teacher, Mrs. Smith. A few days ago, I was trying to make dinner, but they wanted my attention. So I gave them a couple buckets of soapy water and some old t-shirts, stripped them to their underwear, and let them slide around on the kitchen floor until it got clean.

This all made a lot of sense until yesterday, when the kids started asking me outside our house, "Mrs. Smith, can we please wash the kitchen floor again?"



It's almost as bad as the rule Macey has taken out of context. She always decides she wants to cuddle right after she's eaten a particularly messy meal. So I made this innocent little rule where she's not allowed to touch me while her hands are sticky - she has to wash them first. That backfired, though, when she started asking me at random times around others, "Mommy, can I touch you please?"

Miles Makes Some Observations on Fear

This evening we had our annual church board dinner. Miles and Macey were in childcare with some of the other kids, including adorable four-year old Addie (see picture), who has recently decided that she intends to kiss Miles and marry him.

When Brett picked the kids up this evening, Miles was a little troubled.

"Dad, I don't like girls."

"Oh? Why not?"

"I am very afraid of them." (Macey in the background: "I'm not afraid of them! I'm not afraid of them!")

Brett, chuckling: "That's not fear, son."

"Well, I think I am very afraid of them."

"Why do you think you're so afraid of them?"

"'Cause they just want to give kisses."

"Oh they do?"

"Yeah. It's their secret weapon... I don't have anything like that. Boys just have guns and swords."

Macey Can't Be Bothered To Keep It Straight

Random comment on the way out from church: "You are Mommy, and the other one is Daddy."

It Might Be Funny

Macey was playing with a needle-and-thread set I'd had out to fix one of Miles' toys. I said, "Oh no, Macey. Don't play with that. You might get hurt."

"Or," said Macey without looking up, "it might be funny."

Macey's Mission

A few nights ago, Brett and I were in the car discussing "Radical Mission," the non-profit organization Brett runs through our church. Macey was in the back seat and had been pretty quiet until she chimed in, "I have a mission."

I turned to look at her, surprised she even knew the word and thinking maybe she had picked up something insightful at Sunday School. "Really? What's your mission?"

She looked out the window dramatically. "Oh, it's about ducks and stuff."

Macey's Promises

Macey is always assuring me of random rules that it hadn't occurred to me to establish. Like, "We don't cut off our fingers," or "We don't eat paper." A few weeks ago, I pointed out a spider in our laundry room. The conversation started out about the same as usual:

Macey (solemnly): "We don't eat a spider."

Mom (distracted): "No, we would never eat a spider." (Pause.) "Wait... would we ever eat a spider?"

Macey: "Yes."

Mom: "When?"

Macey: "Um, thirty minutes."

Mom: "Who was with you when you ate the spider?"

Macey: "Miss Rene."

Mom: "What did she say when you ate it?"

Macey (matter-of-factly): "She said 'ew'."

Car Trip Chatter

A couple of great moments on the drive to Indiana today:

Mom: If you could be any kind of animal, what would you be, and why?

Miles: A cheetah, because I could run really fast!

Macey: A tiger, 'cause rawr.

Then, later, when we'd been on the road several hours and morale was low, Macey ran out of things to tattle on Miles about. I knew she'd hit the bottom of the barrel when she fussed, "Miles is... um... looking at horses, Mom!"

My Blogging Strategy

I feel my plan to alienate everyone who reads this blog by not updating for eight months is nearly complete. Anyone up for some new Miles and Macey stories? Anyone still know this blog exists?

Throwing Rocks

I have proof that Miles and Macey are not dead. I saw them recently. Although their parents don't update about their lives, I thought I should. Maybe it will get the ball rolling. If I had video of the following story, I would post it. That is most likely because I'm a mean uncle, and I think that pictures of my nephews like this one are really really funny. Here is goes:

Miles and Macey came to visit last weekend. We had a great time with them. Macey is as rotton as ever, and Miles is growing up way too fast. I got to see his soccer video, and I was so proud of the way that he played. He played way above his age group, outside of the cluster of other 4 year olds that attacked the ball, waiting for a pass, and then would make a break for the goal. He had all his teams shots on goal, and 2 goals (although the blind ref only counted one of them). We took Miles to a bridge near Kevin and Teresa's to throw some large rocks off the bridge because that is really fun. Miles selected a rock that was about the size of half his head. He proceeded to pick it up over his head to throw it in the water. Unfortunately it was a touch too heavy for him, so instead of throwing the rock in the water he dropped the rock on his head. He cried a touch, but was actually okay very quickly, in my book that makes this a funny story, not a sad story.