Because I said so......

We were gathered to watch Elf the movie and my daughter recognized me on the TV - I was starring in an Iron Gym infomercial - She screamed "daddy!!!" as she pointed at a perfectly sculpted man doing chin ups. What a sweetheart!

Not two minutes later as Elf came on the screen, a small troll of an elf came on the TV and Miles screamed "daddy!!!". What a chump!

I guess it's just hard to know sometimes how our kids are perceiving us - except when they make it this easy. Merry Christmas to me!

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I didn't have a question to ask Miles today, but fortunately he supplied one for me. He's got to be the only kid in the world who regards the story about Santa Claus with suspicion:

A few nights ago I was tucking him in and he looked troubled. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Mommy, why is Santa Claus so.... so sneaky?"

"What? Sneaky!? What do you mean?"

"Why does Santa not want you to tell me what my Christmas presents are? I just... you... like... you don't have to give them to me. Just tell me what they are."

I told him I can't tell him what his presents are, but I'll have to think about why Santa Claus is so sneaky. So what, dear reader, do you think my answer should be? I'll ask him again later tonight when I tuck him in and see if he's thought of a solution. I'll post his response in the "comments" section. (Facebook readers, you can see comments in the blog itself - www.milesandmacey.blogspot.com.)

What I Miss Out On While At Work

Macey is sick today, so I stayed home from work with both the kids. Sometimes I wonder if we're not paying the day care enough.

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Cartoon character on TV: "Let me get you some hot tea."

Miles: "Did he say hot pee? Ewwwwwwwwwww!"

Macey [chanting delightedly in the background]: "Hot pee! Hot pee!"

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Later, after a particularly startling moment on the cartoon...

Miles: Whoa. That made me poot a little.

Macey [wandering aimlessly down the hallway and still sweetly singing]: "Hot pee! Hot pee!"

New Lexicon Words

I've added two new words to the Miles Lexicon. One of them is particularly timely, so be sure to look to the right

                     (this way --------------------------------------------> )

for a great new addition your Christmas vocabulary this year.

If you usually read these on Facebook, be sure to scoot on over to the blog (www.milesandmacey.blogspot.com) to see the Miles Lexicon.

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I admit I've put this one off for awhile, but April Shrum really set me up with a loaded question: "Dear Miles, Where do babies come from?" (Thanks a lot, April!!) It went something like this:

"Babies come from heaven," Miles answered without even looking up.

"Oh," I said. "So how do we get them here?"

"Well, mommies and daddies drive to heaven to get them. Well, first the baby grows inside someone's belly, then you take pictures and it comes out. Then that one guy Jeff, he comes over to keep the house safe--"

I interrupted him, "You mean Pastor Jeff?" (I have no idea where that one came from...)

"Yeah,that guy."

"So are you pretty sure a baby grows inside someone's belly?"

"Yeah. Probably a girl grows inside your belly, but I'm not sure about a boy. I'll have to ask Dad. He's pretty smart. But I... I was born before him, so I'm smarter than him."

"Oh we'll definitely have to talk to him about that. So tell me one more time." I prodded him, "Do babies start out in heaven first or do they grow inside someone's belly first?"

He gave me a withering sigh. "It's both, Mom. Heaven is inside people's bellies."

Because I said so......

I was driving with the kids this evening and the newness of Christmas lights still gets Miles gloriously excited. As we drove by a neighbors brightly lit nativity scene Miles yelled excitedly, "Dad look! It's God! He, he's right there in those peoples yard!" I said, being sure to emphasize that Jesus was there in the manger - and he is God, "yes, Miles, there is Jesus in the manger." This was a typical nativity scene with the Mary and Joseph and donkey and cow present. Miles was still so surprised as I responded he finished by saying "Holy Cow! They have God in their yard".

A New Euphemism

I was walking down the hallway past the open door to the bathroom when I saw Miles sitting on the toilet, with a particularly strained expression. He noticed me and said, "It's okay, Mom. I'm okay. I just need to get this sorted out."

Welcome to Miles' World

For a slightly larger view, go to the YouTube version.

Otherwise, here ya go:

Recipe for Ice Cream Blackberry Hot Dogs

I swear upon Brett's life that I am not making this up. I wrote this down verbatim as Miles was dictating the instructions to me, à la Rachael Ray, as if he were reciting it from memory and not just making it up as he goes:

• sugar
  
• salt
  
• ice cream
  
• butter
  
• milk shake
  
• Nill-aid
  
• little bit of drink
  
  You just get a spoon and just mix it really slow then put it in the freezer and wait till it begins to freeze into ice cream hot dogs.

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I didn't have time to post the Thursday feature last week, and my inbox was flooded with a deluge of nearly one email, demanding the return of "Dear Miles." So our question this week comes to us from Sabrina in Phoenix, Arizona, who asks:

"Why do parents make their kids go to bed at night?"

I asked our resident expert. We didn't get very far.

Miles: "I don't want to go to bed! I don't want to go to bed!"

Me: "You don't have to go to bed yet. I'm just asking. Why do I make you go to bed at night?"

Miles: "IT'S NOT BEDTIME YET!   IT'S.   NOT.    DAAAAAAARK!"

Me: "Nevermind."

A walk with Miles

Hi.. I'm Brett... I'm the dad.... I'll post randomly.....

Miles and I went on a walk recently. On our walk Miles stated that he wanted to become a giraffe someday when he grows up. He soon after made it very clear that in order for that to happen, he would have to start eating a lot more grass.

After the walk was over he said, “whew that was a good long walk – I like that walk.” He looked a bit perplexed as he felt his shirt under his armpit and said, “my shirt is a little wet under my arm here – I guess a grasshopper must have jumped up there and peed – don’t you think dad?”

I had no comment.

Christmas Gift Ideas for Macey, Based on What She Currently Enjoys Playing With

• Steak knives
• Razors
• Shoes (for licking, not wearing. Esp. flip flops, because the part where the straps connect to the sole looks like a nipple from the bottom)
• Toilet bowl brushes
• Toilet water
• Sunglasses
• Hair care products
• Tampons
• American cheese (individually wrapped)

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this (or if Miles would even be willing to go along with it) but he didn't disappoint. Here's his first question, and the conversation that ensued:

"Dear Miles,

Why are boogers sometimes wet,and other times they are dry?

Sincerly,
Mrs. Drippynose"

Miles giggled. "Her name is Mrs. Drippynose?"

I reminded him: "Yeah, so why is it that sometimes boogers are wet and sometimes they are dry?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"No, you're supposed to answer it because she thinks you're so smart."

Long suffering sigh. "Because of the warm season."

I raised my eyebrow at him, surprised at his... well, normalcy. Then he held up his stuffed dog who, according to Miles (and I swear I'm not making this up), can knock out bad guys with his poisonous stinkers. He answered again in his dog's voice, "Boogers are wet when they taste like applesauce. When they're dry, they're bacon."

A Snippet of Conversation

Me: "Hey Miles, if you could have any pet in the world, what would you want to have?"

Miles (without hesitation): "A seal."

Me: "Why would you want a seal?"

Miles: "Because he would eat mosquitoes."

Me: "Oh really? How do seals eat mosquitoes?"

Miles: "They swim through the water really fast and then lick... [Trailing off] Hmmmm. I would want a frog for a pet."

More Good Names by Miles

From chickens to transformers, Miles has always been good at naming things. Here are a few recent additions to our family:

• The first crawdad we found: Seahorses
• The second crawdad we found: Fork
• A scarecrow in our backyard: Subway
• Our pet woolly worm, who has surprisingly survived several days of Miles' loving attention: Eyeball