Welcome to Miles' World

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Otherwise, here ya go:

Recipe for Ice Cream Blackberry Hot Dogs

I swear upon Brett's life that I am not making this up. I wrote this down verbatim as Miles was dictating the instructions to me, à la Rachael Ray, as if he were reciting it from memory and not just making it up as he goes:

• sugar
  
• salt
  
• ice cream
  
• butter
  
• milk shake
  
• Nill-aid
  
• little bit of drink
  
  You just get a spoon and just mix it really slow then put it in the freezer and wait till it begins to freeze into ice cream hot dogs.

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I didn't have time to post the Thursday feature last week, and my inbox was flooded with a deluge of nearly one email, demanding the return of "Dear Miles." So our question this week comes to us from Sabrina in Phoenix, Arizona, who asks:

"Why do parents make their kids go to bed at night?"

I asked our resident expert. We didn't get very far.

Miles: "I don't want to go to bed! I don't want to go to bed!"

Me: "You don't have to go to bed yet. I'm just asking. Why do I make you go to bed at night?"

Miles: "IT'S NOT BEDTIME YET!   IT'S.   NOT.    DAAAAAAARK!"

Me: "Nevermind."

A walk with Miles

Hi.. I'm Brett... I'm the dad.... I'll post randomly.....

Miles and I went on a walk recently. On our walk Miles stated that he wanted to become a giraffe someday when he grows up. He soon after made it very clear that in order for that to happen, he would have to start eating a lot more grass.

After the walk was over he said, “whew that was a good long walk – I like that walk.” He looked a bit perplexed as he felt his shirt under his armpit and said, “my shirt is a little wet under my arm here – I guess a grasshopper must have jumped up there and peed – don’t you think dad?”

I had no comment.

Christmas Gift Ideas for Macey, Based on What She Currently Enjoys Playing With

• Steak knives
• Razors
• Shoes (for licking, not wearing. Esp. flip flops, because the part where the straps connect to the sole looks like a nipple from the bottom)
• Toilet bowl brushes
• Toilet water
• Sunglasses
• Hair care products
• Tampons
• American cheese (individually wrapped)

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this (or if Miles would even be willing to go along with it) but he didn't disappoint. Here's his first question, and the conversation that ensued:

"Dear Miles,

Why are boogers sometimes wet,and other times they are dry?

Sincerly,
Mrs. Drippynose"

Miles giggled. "Her name is Mrs. Drippynose?"

I reminded him: "Yeah, so why is it that sometimes boogers are wet and sometimes they are dry?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"No, you're supposed to answer it because she thinks you're so smart."

Long suffering sigh. "Because of the warm season."

I raised my eyebrow at him, surprised at his... well, normalcy. Then he held up his stuffed dog who, according to Miles (and I swear I'm not making this up), can knock out bad guys with his poisonous stinkers. He answered again in his dog's voice, "Boogers are wet when they taste like applesauce. When they're dry, they're bacon."

A Snippet of Conversation

Me: "Hey Miles, if you could have any pet in the world, what would you want to have?"

Miles (without hesitation): "A seal."

Me: "Why would you want a seal?"

Miles: "Because he would eat mosquitoes."

Me: "Oh really? How do seals eat mosquitoes?"

Miles: "They swim through the water really fast and then lick... [Trailing off] Hmmmm. I would want a frog for a pet."

More Good Names by Miles

From chickens to transformers, Miles has always been good at naming things. Here are a few recent additions to our family:

• The first crawdad we found: Seahorses
• The second crawdad we found: Fork
• A scarecrow in our backyard: Subway
• Our pet woolly worm, who has surprisingly survived several days of Miles' loving attention: Eyeball

Thursday Feature: Dear Miles

By popular demand (okay, so no one has ever demanded anything of this blog, but whatever, right?), I'd like to present our new weekly feature, Dear Miles, in which you, loyal reader, submit your questions for Miles to answer each Thursday. To kick it off, I'll provide a question Brett asked Miles last night:

Dad: "Hey Miles, why don't spiders ever get stuck in their own webs?"

Miles: "Because they're so evil."

Miles Wants a Dead Grandma

I can only assume that one or two of the cool kids at day care have a dead grandma, because Miles has been a bit obsessed with the concept lately. He'll be playing happily, then suddenly adopt a sobering frown. "Mom," he'll say reverently. "You remember my grandma.... that DIED?"

"No, Miles. Your grandmas are still alive. They did not die."

"No! I mean my other grandma, the one who lives far, far, far away." Then, reverting to his hushed tone again: "She DIED."

"You mean my grandma, Grandy?"

"Yeah!"

"She's still alive, too."

"Noooooooo!"

Miles Experiments With Renaming Things To Get What He Wants

"Hey Mom, can I have a cookie vegetable?"

Miles Merges Metaphor and Malapropism, but Misnames It

"Mom, stop interrupting like a volcano! --Hey, that rhymed!"

Miles' Theology

Miles enjoys playing with little fuzzballs on my bed, which he calls "fellars." A few weeks ago after church one Sunday he was playing with all his little fellars, so I listened in:

"Okay, this little fellar is the good God, and this one is the bad God. Oh, wait---we need a cross so we can kill him."


Then last Wednesday after children's church, I asked him what he learned about.

"Jesus." Of course.

"What did you learn about Jesus?"

"Oh. He had hangnails."

The Embarrass Brett Edition

Brett stepped out of the shower naked to grab a towel, and Miles just happened to catch a glimpse. "EWWWWW!" he shouted, traumatized, as he grabbed nearby Macey and covered her eyes.

ON A RELATED NOTE: Whenever Brett isn't home, Macey always wanders around the house singing, "Daaaa----ddy. Daaaa-----ddy." The first place she looks? Invariably: the bathroom. She assumes he lives there.

Milesisms

Term of endearment: "C'mere my little cinnamon bun! Chomp chomp chomp!"

Insult: "Tater face!"

Retort: "Ketchup face!"

Prayerful introduction: "God, I'm Miles Smif."

How to express something that took place prior to yesterday: "A long time ago, like when dinosaurs were still alive."